Success Insight – August Edition

Yes it’s that time again for another action packed edition of Success Insights, where we share latest insights, news and events with our community.

Click here to access Success Insight August 2011 edition

In this edition we look at:

• Recognising behaviour types
• Dealing with parental conflict

Click here to access Success Insight August 2011 edition

Enjoy!

Kind regards

Mark

About Mark Taylor….

Success Insight – August Edition

Do you really love your partner……unconditionally?

The love word is bandied about these days with abandon.  I am of the firm belief that the majority of people are not in touch with what this really means; the separation and divorce stats as well as the number of unhappy relationships support this.

Why is this?  My view on this is that people are basing their relationships on shaky foundations, a conditional love.  A conditional love as it describes is based on set of conditions that are formed by an individual under which they will love someone and therefore commit to them.  Typical conditions would be expectations of how someone looks, how they behave, how they make you feel, how successful they are etc, etc.  Note the language in that it is all based on a conditional model that is formed.  Modern society does not help as it has encourages high expectations of what one should expect and what you deserve from a partner.

The problem with this type of love is that conditions change, people change, we all face challenges and scenarios which show us in a different light.

True love is based on unconditional love which is based demonstrated in many parent/child relationships, but is rare in adult/adult relationships.  It is unconstrained and unrelenting in its strength no matter what happens.

So questions yourself on the conditions you set on your partner in order for you to love them and look to rise above this to something much deeper

About Mark Taylor….

Do you really love your partner……unconditionally?

Parenthood – a path to enlightenment?

Parenthood brings with it many new experiences and circumstances.  I find it fascinating how many different attitudes people have with it.  I believe it is a great magnifier of who you are and the journey you are on.

If your attitude is a “what’s in it for me?” type approach then you are probably in for some tough times.  Babies by their very nature are in a basic needs type of mentality and children as they go through various stages have various stages of self orientation.  What this means is that unless you let go and give (without immediate return), parenthood is likely to come with underlying disgruntlement and negativity.

This can particularly impact the male ( who often has the biggest ego) who has to adjust to a situation where in reality he comes a distant third after the children and the wife. It is a dramatic role change and is of course demanding.

Does this mean both the mother and father need to sacrifice everything about themselves and take on a pure service mentality.  Not in my mind.  It is better to think of it as a team play; do what is best for the overall wellbeing of the team and the right decisions and priorities should flow naturally.

If parenthood can be harnessed in this way, it can be a very powerful tool for personal growth as it enables you to transcend egoic, self-orientated behaviour, develop unconditional love and help you on a path to enlightenment

About Mark Taylor….

Parenthood – a path to enlightenment?

Resolving inner conflict with parents

One of the things I have been building up to , which finally transpired was the open up some old stuff with les parents which I had pushed under the carpet.  I can imagine that many people have some element of conflict or unresolved issues with their upbringing so thought I would share the process I went through.

One of the drivers for me, was the realisation that I was in a cycle where these unresolved issues were creating a pattern of behaviour.  I also was becoming less connected with the parents and a great film “My Father” with Colin Firth really hit home that it would be a shame not to at least try and foster a stronger connection.

Now obviously anything involving family tends to evoke emotional responses and it is not easy to try and talk about things in a constructive manner, so here are some tips to share:

-        Work out your “why?”.  Is is coming from a constructive place or are you just looking to vent repressed emotion. If it is the latter, be careful as you are likely to get a defensive response

-        Remember that parents typically do the best they can do in the frame of reference they have at the time; it is very easy to judge especially as society changes, but try to be empathetic

-        Are you expecting your parents to change?  This is unlikely.  You are the one who is should be looking to change.  Take and own the situation, after all unresolved are simply your emotional connections to historical situations.

-        In following on from the above, I think the over-riding principle to have is one where you are looking for your parents to help you understand, build awareness etc.  It is not about them!!  If you are looking for help, you are parents are likely to be engaged, if you are looking to vent, tell them how bad they were as parents, what they need to do to change, you are coming at it from the wrong angle

All the above was linked to my own positioning, approach and intent which I think is the no 1 thing.  In terms of the mechanics, all I did was set up some quality one on one time in the right environment, mixed it in with some light hearted, shared activities and then asked the following questions as part of a shared experience:

-        Tell me about their life, the highs and lows from their perspective. A real “seek to understand” session

-        Asked them to give me their perception of my life journey, again focusing on my “highs and lows”

-        Finally I gave them my own account of my life journey

The rest naturally flowed from these questions.

About Mark Taylor….

Resolving inner conflict with parents